Let all who make Pesach come and read.
Tips for a season of reason, not depletion. Also, a new-to-me Yiddish phrase and a writing update.
March 9, 2023
Hi there,
It’s been a busy week, what with the hamantaschen-baking and the rest of the tumult that is Purim. Plus, I shifted gears the moment the holiday ended. Now all I can think about is Pesach. In an ironic move, I gave our shalach manos leftovers to a delighted instructor at the gym and got the cleaning process underway.
Just days in, I’m already experiencing the seasonal tug between robotically ticking items off my to-do list and trying to make the lead-up to the seders more meaningful. We (I know I’m not entirely alone) limp along beneath the weight of the tasks that await our attention. It soon becomes a challenge to feel anything but overwhelmed, both physically and mentally exhausted, perhaps even resentful.
Barring the surprise appearance of a fairy godmother who sweeps her magic wand through the air of our kitchens to pronounce them turned over (Voila! It’s Pesadik!), we have our work cut out for us. So I thought I’d share a few tips that have helped me transform this season of depletion into a season of reason, at least to the best of my ability. To make it more manageable. Maybe even meaningful. Perhaps infused with a teensy tiny bit of humor.
Let’s start with a reminder, a line I like to recite day in and day out from Purim until Erev Pesach:
Do not allow yourself to become enslaved to the holiday of freedom.
I put this mindset shift at the top of my list. It is otherwise too easy to fall into the spring cleaning trap. I have wonderful memories of Pesach as a child and left to my own devices, I would clean in an elusive attempt to recreate them. I often forget that I’m in search of chametz, not dust — as if by scrubbing, I could travel back in time. I mean, I love a spotless house for the holiday, but I also know I’m not readying the space for an Architectural Digest photo shoot.
To hear how I totally reshaped my perspective on Pesach preparations without compromising on what needs to get done, read this essay I wrote in The Forward a few years back.
Minutes at a Time
Small bites. That’s the key.
Pick a drawer or two, a cabinet, a shelf, a section of the coat closet. Set a timer for 5, 10, or 15 minutes. Whatever you’ve got. Move things around, check pockets, lift items up, wipe away anything sticky. Toss the cookie that somehow found its way among the dish towels in the linen closet (true story) or the petrified peanut butter sandwich at the back of a bin (also a true story).
First up for me was my catch-all drawer #1. I have several. Doesn’t everyone?
While the water boiled for my morning coffee this morning and OU Torat Imecha Nach Yomi — we’re up to Sefer Tehillim — played in the background, I dumped its contents onto the counter. The only food I discovered was a tin of mints. Not chametz, but not Pesadik either. I relocated them to another space where I can’t accidentally reach for them over chag and put the rest back into the drawer. Eye on the prize, the whole process took nine minutes, most of which I spent thinking about what a great writer David Hamelech was and how good hot coffee tastes in the morning.
Years ago, I shared this trick with my dear friend Debbie. “Fifteen minutes at a time,” she reports back each year. “It’s been life-changing.”
Reading for the Season
The nurse at my summer camp kept a sign on her door that said Chicken soup is good for whatever you’ve got. For me, the same applies to reading.
While there’s far less time for books this month, when I do get the chance to read, I aim for volumes that put me in the Pesach mood. Not Marie Kondo’s decluttering bible or anything about Swedish death cleaning, which would only fuel the compulsion to turn this process into a home overhaul. The books don’t even have to be about Pesach. Because the seder revolves around the preservation of tradition, Jewish memory, and the power of redemption, I am usually drawn to those sort of topics right now.
What’s on my list?
Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks’ To Heal a Fractured World.
Outwitting History by Aaron Lansky, who set out to save the world’s abandoned Yiddish books.
Elie Wiesel’s From the Kingdom of Memory.
And because I just cannot resist this title while searching for chametz, A Whole Loaf: Stories from Israel, edited by Sholom Kahn.
No time or energy to get through a whole book? Check out this article about Israeli Nobel Laureate S.Y. Agnon’s seder.
Not up to reading at all? Here’s some worthwhile listening:
A lecture about S.Y. Agnon’s multi-layered story To My Father’s House, set on the eve of Pesach.
Monty Hall shares a personal, feel-good Passover story with the Yiddish Book Center.
Make It Fun
Let’s be real. It’s hard to make vacuuming and shopping for potato starch any fun. This I know. But these are my annual attempts.
Make a Pesach cleaning playlist. I’m a big fan of Debbie Friedman’s very beautiful Miriam’s Song. So many Jewish artists have versions of the Hagadah’s greatest hits. If you listen to English music, search for songs that include the lyrics "Where are you hiding?” and “I’m gonna find you.” They aren’t talking about chametz, but still. Or just put on what you like. Sing and dance with the broom like no one is watching. They aren’t. They are too busy cleaning their own kitchens.
Create new traditions that center around cleaning or kitchen prep. Here’s an essay I wrote about how my sons used to grind our matzah meal.
Consider the process a scavenger hunt. Make a list of items you or family members have misplaced throughout the year. See how many you can find. We discovered 27 pairs of reading glasses during last year’s Pesach cleanup. I’ve already happened up four and we’ve only just begun.
Get creative during meal prep by pretending you’re a contestant on Chopped. See how many once-in-a-lifetime recipes you can concoct with ingredients lingering in the pantry and the refrigerator door.
And Some Writing News
I’m honored to share my article, Navigating Widowhood in the Frum Community, which appears in the current issue of Jewish Action magazine. I hope it will make a difference in how we sit with others in their grief, especially as we approach this intense holiday season. I’m so grateful to the women and men who generously told me about their experiences. Please share far and wide. A second part of the article appears here, featuring their personal stories.
Lastly, a New-to-Me Yiddish Expression
I ran into a friend, a nurse, at this year’s excellent Chemed Medicine and Ethics Conference. She and I were discussing the swag on offer. Pens, USB thingies, pads, mints, card games handed out on Shabbos for the kids. She described how her beloved, late grandmother would take everything that voz is nicht tzugenagelt (I hope I’ve spelled it right!), which means anything that is not nailed down. I fell in love with that line, though I’m still working on saying it without tripping over the last word.
Anyway, it reminded me of the catch-all drawer in the side table of my grandmother’s apartment, in which I once discovered a small pack of cigarettes. “Grandma, you don’t smoke! What do you have this for?” I asked.
“Someone was giving them away at an event, so I took one.”
It wasn’t nailed down. :)
Let me know your tips for keeping this a season of reason. Tell me what you love about getting ready for the holiday or how you manage what you don’t. What are you getting rid of that isn’t nailed down? And please share your most interesting find as you work your way through your house.
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Thanks for being here.
Love,
Merri
P.S. Before I forget….
Two Mini-Book Reviews
Bono’s Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story. He writes from a deeply spiritual place about his life and music, which is what drew me to the book. He even quotes Psalm 32, one of my favorite perakim of Tehillim. Sadly, I fell out of interest around page 35.
Hilma Wolitzer’s updated edition of Today a Woman Went Mad in the Supermarket. I really appreciated this short story collection, a biting and witty tackling of the emotional ups and downs of a marriage.
Merri, I so admire you and your magical words that touch my heart and so many others! I still work with the 15 minute rule leading up to Pesach. May you continue to inspire ad 120.
Always enjoying reading your musings - reviews- ideas .. 15minute rule is way to go.. I just heard of someone who sets up very makeshift pesach area - table in basement and does advance cooking with three crock pots .. not bad idea to consider.. enjoy the ride !