On Communal Mourning & Free Love
Thoughts on 9 Av and kindness, some writing news, and things to watch & read
Thoughts on communal mourning
I struggle on Tisha B’Av. There’s sadness in my heart as we mourn the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and other national Jewish tragedies. Alas, we have no shortage of them. But many of them are distant memories that linger on my Jewish DNA. They are a part of me, but I did not live them. So it’s not easy to experience the fast day as relevant and meaningful without mood-setting, effort, and focus.
What works for me is to find ways to make it feel personal. I remember my own scars and losses, both big and small. We all have them. Taking time on Tisha B’Av to mourn them, too, can help us keep more in sync with the purpose of the day, allowing it to resonate on both individual and communal levels.
To engage deeply with the text of Eicha, I connect a visual image to the written descriptions of Jerusalem’s destruction, of the falling down of walls and human loss. Years ago on a trip to Spain, I stood in front of Picasso’s 1937 painting, Guernica, which he created as a visceral reaction to the Nazi bombing of the Basque town of Guernica during the Spanish Civil War. It’s filled with desperate, anguished imagery. I thought, “That’s what Eicha is describing.” I’ve had it in mind while listening to Eicha ever since.
Reading helps me most. Here are a few meaningful possibilities for the day:
Erica Brown’s In the Narrow Places offers daily inspiration for the Three Weeks.
Cynthia Ozick’s searing book The Shawl is a two-part narrative, a short story and a novella. It is one of the rawest and most authentic Holocaust stories I’ve ever read.
And this poem by Abraham Sutzkever, from the Narocz forests outside Vilna, 1944:
No Sad Songs Please No sad songs please Sad songs just tease At sorrow. Words, too, betray, And names, Forever, And tomorrow.
Look out at the snow: In memory’s art
Is unexpected Radiance, and in
The speeches of the heart,
You yourself are
Resurrected.
Stretch your hands out
To that whiteness:
In its cold and burning
Veins
You’ll feel returning
The redeeming life
It contains.
This year, I also plan to listen to this conversation with Rabbi Dr. Joshua Berman about his new perspective on Eicha. I’m eager to hear what you think.
But after the day is over, what comes next? We have the antidote. We’ve known it all along. Ahavas Chinam. Free love. It’s the power to change Tisha B’Av from the saddest day on the Jewish calendar to the one of greatest simcha. It’s the method for turning anger and pain into peace, for resetting the bones of our broken world, for bringing redemption speedily in our days.
How do we get there?
Perform as many kindnesses as you can. Let go of resentments to allow relationships to heal. Offer a compliment to a stranger. Listen, hear, see the holiness in one another. Return your shopping cart to the cart corral. Do a nice thing for someone who has hurt you with their words, or vice versa. Drop off a cake to a neighbor who could use the sweetness of your baking, but even more so, the sentiment behind the gesture.
As I’ve written before, both here and elsewhere, it’s about changing the narrative. It’s about changing the world. Our souls thrive on kindness. There’s a reason baristas put a heart on a latte. We all need love.
Good writing news
It’s been a while since I’ve had news to share in this department, mostly because I’m been singularly focused on finishing my book. But it’s done. Can you hear my sigh of relief wherever you are? I’m now wading into the complicated waters of finding a publisher. Wish me luck! I’ll update as the process unfolds.
What else has been keeping me busy?
Well, this is fun. I won two Simon Rockower Awards from the American Jewish Press Association for my article “Meet the New Meat” in Jewish Action. It’s part of a larger story about the future of food.
I haven’t published an essay in a while. But the erasure of women’s images from frum many publications has pained me for years. It’s an issue I’ve written about before, but this is a new spin. Click to read Why I Modeled for the Jewish Life Photo Bank here. And here’s a link to the Photo Bank itself.
Reading updates and things to watch
Speaking of kindness, my friend Aliza sent me a copy of Abraham Verghese’s new book The Covenant of Water so I didn’t have to wait months to get it from the library. But also, I think, because we’ll now be able to discuss it over coffee. I’ll share a review once I’ve finished. It’s 700 pages long, so it will take a while.
I’m also very excited to be learning Pirkei Avos, the Ethics of the Fathers, with my friend Nina. I haven’t studied this ancient volume in ages, and I am in need of its timeless, practical wisdom.
And lastly, I want to share two short clips that I promise are worth watching:
Talk about timeless practical wisdom. Check out this quick video of 100-year-old Mildred Kirschenbaum offering words of advice for a happy life.
I had no idea about the whole typewriter-as-instrument phenomenon. But it’s a real thing and it’s mind-blowing. Read more about it here. And don’t miss this mesmerizing NPR Tiny Desk Concert 2023 submission by The Boston Typewriter Orchestra.
Do a girl a kindness
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Wishing you an easy, meaningful fast and a peaceful, restful Shabbos, however you plan to spend it.
Love,
Merri
Always love your updates and was fun to see my name in this one! Lucky to be learning with you.
Really enjoyed this piece, as always.