A Letting-Go List
On freeing up headspace this Adar, a new graphic novel, and a hamantaschen recipe
On Letting Go
Earlier this week, I sent my memoir manuscript off for critique by a second round of beta readers after I’d spent months editing, rewriting, and second-guessing.
In between gulps of strong coffee and bouts of imposter syndrome, I performed the murderous slashing of phrases and paragraphs — a writerly process known as killing your darlings. I deleted entire chapters that seemed redundant or just not good enough. I wrote new ones. Step by step, the words accrued and came together into a full bowl of a story. But I’d reached a point where I could go no further without the loving feedback of a few trusted readers.
I had to let it go. But letting it go was hard. A bit scary, actually.
There’s little like a leap of faith to make us feel vulnerable, and hitting send was, without question, a leap of faith. Yet I experienced such a sense of relief in knowing the time had come to stop holding on so tightly and ask others for help.
I thought then of all the things I should be letting go of as a way to edit myself. For example, what I will never have or become. Worries and fears over future events that might not happen. The prayers I utter as if I were placing an à la carte order from an online menu, trying to tell G-d what to do down to the minutiae. As if.
To keep the noise at bay, I started jotting these thoughts down on a letting-go list. In the writing, I am reminded that G-d is in the driver’s seat. I feel lighter. Also stronger and more confident. I may not be the one at the wheel, but I do get to hold the pen, and that’s something.
A Purim Book for Shabbos Reading
In other news, I’m so excited that my copy of The Koren Tanakh Graphic Novel - Esther by Jordan B. Gorfinkel, illustrated by Yael Nathan, arrived on Wednesday. By arrived I mean that my husband surprised me with it, leaving it on my desk downstairs while I was upstairs in the kitchen making him dinner. Glad to be able to read it in the leadup to Purim. Short review to follow in my next newsletter.
I also hope to finish Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson this Shabbos. It’s my book club’s choice this month and so far, I’m really enjoying it. Also on my reading pile is Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story by Bono.
Mrs. Lichtner’s Hamantaschen Recipe
And speaking of cake…
Now that Purim is nearly here, I’m finally revving up to bake hamantaschen. I could not resist giving this cake mix-based one from My Jewish Learning a shot last year. It’s a great hack if you’re short on time, but the final product tastes a lot like cake mix, not the cookie base we prefer. We missed our regular recipe.
Growing up, my mother would empty her large recipe portfolio onto the kitchen table so we could search through the 100s of clippings for the “right” hamantaschen recipe, the one we all loved. It took time, but we always found it — until the year it went missing, before there was an internet that could get us another copy. The recipe below, submitted by Mrs. Jack Lichtner to her local paper in February 1977, filled in the space. I’ve taken liberties with it. The editorializing is also mine.
Makes around 4 ½ dozen.
4 ½ cups flour 1 T baking powder 1/8 t salt 1 cup corn oil (I use canola) 1 cup sugar 1 T grated orange rind 1/3 cup orange juice 4 large eggs
Sift dry ingredients together. In a large bowl, beat together on medium speed the oil, rind, and juice until well-blended. Add 1 egg at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually, stir in flour until well-blended. Cover and refrigerate overnight.
Divide the dough into several balls. We roll them out to about ¼” thickness before cutting rounds that are about 3 ½ “. I use the open end of a juice glass as a cutter.
We like apricot filling and lekvar (prune) filling. Fill, shape, pinch the corners tightly. Bake in a preheated 350 oven on an ungreased baking sheet for 12 to 15 minutes, until lightly brown.
Thanks, Mrs. Lichtner.
Happy Baking and Happy Purim!
Thanks for reading.
If you’re not yet a subscriber to Days of Rest, follow the link to join me. And please share it with friends. This community grows as our readership does, meaning with love and new subscriptions.
Want to read more? Check out my Erev Shabbos posts on Facebook at #gutshabbosshorts.
Thanks, as always, for being here.
Love and Gut Shabbos,
Merri